Scandalous!

I have never understood the wisdom of the Lord, the goodness of the Lord, the heart and the character of the Lord. When I thought I knew Him... knew Him well, I realized that I didn't really know Him at all. I have just been playing in water puddles.... and it's as if the Holy Spirit has slapped me in the face with an ocean of God that I have been missing.

I do know this: The closer I get to the cross, the more I clearly see the holiness of God and the sinfulness of me. Then I get even more amazed by grace then I already am. Also, the closer that I get to God, the more I find myself thinking with the psalmist, "What is man, that You are mindful of him, the son of man that You visit him?"

Honestly, what am I that the God of the Universe should think of me, visit me, or love me? And I don't know what to do with myself before Him. One moment, I want to run to Him, hug Him and squeeze Him to death... never letting go! I want to just think Him over and over and over again, because I love Him so much. It's the only way I know to thank Him for the love and grace He gives that I do not deserve; He makes my heart melt with His love and His goodness DAILY! 

Then the next seconde, I come to Him like Mephibosheth did before David, I come crawling to Him. I am at His feet and facedown, because I know that if I could open my mouth to speak, I would sound like Mephibosheth, "What am I but a dead dog to you?" or even like Isaiah, "Woe is me, for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell amongst a people of unclean lips?"

I am a sinner, and I find myself in this place often. All I can do is ask for mercy. It may sound crazy, but I am so thankful for these times because they cause me to become more aware than ever of the depths of my spiritual poverty before Him. I have nothing to bring! I am like Mephibosheth... lame, helpless, patheltic even, before a King so beautiful and glorious! Without struggle, I could not humble myself before Him. 

It is here, in the midst of being broken, that I know mercye, goodness, and amazing grace!

It's like when David lifts Mephibosheth off the floor, restores him, and promises him a seat at the King's table... for the rest of his life! It's when the holy, glorious God of Heaven holds my face in His hands and tells me He loves me. He calls me by name, the name that only He knows, because He is the one who gave it to me... I am so very special! It's when that kind of love turns me into a lovesick disciple... I become, in a way, ruined by His scandalous love! Ha... it's awesome!

I love the way He loves us! Gah... I hate that I can not express how much I love this. 

First Sunday!

It is officially 2011! They say what you do on New Years day tell how your year will go, well I spent my New Years with my family. The summer I spent at the Children's Home and losing my grandpa put things in perspective for me. I love my friends and they are a blessing from God, but I realize that while they will come and go, my family will be with me until the end! I love them!

New Years Eve I roasted hot dogs around a bonfire. Hot dogs are not my thing, so I tried some Vegan franks that my Aunt Jane had given me. Considering they were meatless, they were surprisingly GOOD! The burntness made them even better too. Then, I popped fireworks with my brother and dad. Some of those darn things nearly gave me a heart attack... no joke! Fireworks are so pretty though, not one of them are ever the same. After freezing too death doing fireworks, we all came in and watched the ball drop on television. Then, we stayed up and watched a GIANT moon-pie drop too... apparently it's a tradition in Alabama. It was strange, but very interesting to watch.

On New Years Day, my mother and I watched the Rose Parade on television. Those floats are insane! How awesome would it be to make one of those things? It boggles my mind to think that someone could create something as beautiful as those floats are, out of nothing but organic material! It's too freakin' awesome! My mother cooked black eyed peas and cabbage for dinner. We ate them not for luck, but because they are so delicious! I made a cabbage wrap filled with black eyed peas and vegetables... it was so so good! I totally bummed it the rest of the day!

Have you ever realized that when we make resolutions that we are not truly passionate about, it is so hard to achieve them? Today was the first Sunday of 2011. I went to church with my grandma at Longview Missionary Baptist Church. Bro. Nathan preached on the things we should be passionate about in this new year and ways to help us focus our priorities as we make our resolutions.

1. Be passionate about life. Jesus Christ died for YOU! He loves you, everyday 24/7! Be passionate about that and His plan for your life. He has a purpose for you... seek His will for your life! It's the best, I promise.
2. Be passionate about church... not physically going to church, but BEING THE CHURCH!! We all need to realize the value of church and meditate on the amazingness Christs' bride holds!
3. Be passionate about people. To sacrifice ourselves this year and make resolutions that are not about us. This is a small but difficult resolution sometimes. One that I forget or toss on the back burner often. I challenge myself this year to put others first and to see people though "Jesus' eyes" I want to reach out to those that are without, not to fulfill a resolution, but to share the love of Christ with random acts of kindness. I want to be a living expression of Christ love! 

God, I pray that You drive my resolutions and You guide my 2011 to future Your kingdom and make Your name known!

Measurin' My Year.

2011 is just around the corner! Blogging is what I have decided to try with the New Year, but before I start a on a new year... maybe I should recap the last one.

Well, I transfered to Ouachita Baptist University in the Spring and began my studies to become an Art Teacher. Go Tigers!

I matured a lot personal and spiritually from living in Arkansas, away from my family, and putting myself in an estranged environment. God was really working in my life as I pursued Him and studied His word daily to give me strength when times where tough! I felt Him calling me out onto the mission field that summer... Heaven knows it was all Him because I like my Harleton, T.X.

Anyways, I was obedient to His calling and followed Him to Oklahoma Baptist Children's Home, where I spent my summer serving and loving on the most amazing kids in the world. It changed my life!

 Little did I know that while I was in Oklahoma, my grandpa was back home living his last days battling Cancer. The reality of that was a shock to me when I returned home. When I got back to Texas my grandpa was in the nursing home, as I was preparing to return to school things got worse. Life became WAY WAY hard!

Within a week of being home my grandpa had returned home from the nursing home. My mother and I were shopping for school supplies one afternoon and got a call that my grandmother was taking my grandpa back to the hospital... that was just the beginning of many trips. The doctors explained that my grandpa's Cancer had spread from his liver to his stomach and was taking up of the space in his stomach that his food couldn't go through. Therefore, everything he would consume he would throw back up because of the acids in his stomach. Water even.

I saw my grandpas like this and the time had come to head of to college... knowing my grandpa was in his last days. I could NOT tell my grandpa goodbye knowing that it was the last time I would see him... I decided to stay home the Fall semester. It was a tough decision, but without a doubt it was the best one I could have made. My grandpa passed away on September 2, 2011. (Obituary of my hero!) But... He will be living in heaven for eternity with a mighty Savior. Those last days were the hardest...

While staying in Texas, I got to just STOP... to breath. I searched myself and decided to officially change my major to Nutrition. I plan to become a nutritionist and work in a children's hospital. I took classes from, Kilgore College, and did extremely well in them!

Soon, I learned that I had the beginning of Type 1 Diabetes and began to lose my joy. Life was happening and it was HARD! I grew so much spiritually through all of this because of the only Person I had to look to for guidance and counsel.

My family and I started going to church with my grandmother at Longview Missionary Baptist Church. The church I had grown up at and where my grandpa had studied the Word every Sunday since I can remember! I could not have been happier! God is a faithful Father and even though life was raining heavy upon me, He gave everything I needed to survive and grow! I love Him with all that I am!

I grew up so much in 2010, and I can not wait to see what God has in store for my 2011. It's will be a great journey I know!

Now, I am looking forward to heading back to Arkansas in January and beginning my degree as a nutritionist. Life for me is just simply taken one day at a time!